Gas Pains

Going to the Dogs

Posted by Tom Gaertner on April 17, 2012

Family, Feg Shui, Girlfriend, Healthcare, Labrador Retrievers, Sister

It has been an interesting six months in my household.

Girlfriend became gravely ill with an auto-immune disorder immediately before last November's annual South Dakota pheasant hunt and male bondage weekend.  What followed was a stint in canine ICU.  For a short spell her survival was very much touch and go.  Months of treatment with steroids followed. 

So a partially-trained Labrador retriever pup was called off the bench to fill-in.  Sister took her big sister's place. 

Following that, someone at deer camp suggested that Sister looked 'pigeon-toed.'  I thought  - Huh?  As it turned-out Sister was, in-fact, 'pigeon-toed' and she had a veterinary orthopedist surgically realign her angular limb deformity with an external fixator. 

In the midst of all of this I spent three days in the hospital for a hip replacement.

We were beginning to think that three-fourths of the household was cursed.  We had some funky Si Chi working for us and money was flowing out the door in a torrent. 

We were going to the dogs. 

Here is what I have learned.  Lest you want to be cursed do the following:

It is a good policy to keep your personal health insurance policy fully-paid and on-time.  Hip replacements are expensive.  Furthermore, some have suggested I should have insured my dogs.  Yeah, I understand that veterinarians can be costly too, but I remain unconvinced that health insurance for pets is worth the outlay.   

Besides, the flow of Chi has improved and spring is upon us.  I have resumed all of my normal activities, Girlfriend is drug-free, bulked-up, buff and sassy.  She's her normal self.  And after three exceedingly long months - Sister finally had the hardware removed from her arm and is gradually being returned to a normal level of activity.

As further evidence of a return to the harmonious state of normal our delicate flower Girlfriend's flatulence has become more eye-watering.  And the chick magnet - Sister's - snoring has become more sonorous.  Some readers might conclude that we've still gone to the dogs.

I'd like to think it reminds me of deer camp...

Edit to add:  Keep your dental insurance paid-up or start a sinking fund for unplanned events.  A root canal procedure will stab you for a cool grand.